Recognizing Domestic Violence And How To Deal With It
David Gokarran Sukhdeo
Guyana Journal, November 2006
As stated in Part I of this series (October 2006 issue), Domestic Violence (DV) is a much bigger problem that affects more families than the actual figures show. DV is the number one public health threat to women, and is responsible for more injuries than any other cause. It costs society an estimate $67 billion annually, not counting psychological damage, family disintegration and the resultant imbalanced and harmful development of children who are deprived of both parents (the sum of the parts is not equal to the whole), and other criminal and anti-social behaviors indirectly deriving from the experience of DV in the family.
Some reasons that contribute to the enormity of the problem are:
1 Victims do not recognize what is happening as DV. Some mistake it for religious, cultural or societal norms to which they must docilely submit. They may mistake it for generic gender (male) characteristic. Or they may mistake the symptoms for that of some other disorder such as alcoholism.
2 Victims do not always report or tell anyone about it.
3 Even if they recognize it as DV, they do not know what to do about it.
I hope to deal with some of these issues in this and subsequent parts of my continuation on Domestic Violence.
The syndrome of Domestic Violence is associated with not one but several clinically recognizable features, signs, symptoms, phenomena or characteristics that often occur together. Thus, the presence of one feature may alert a clinician, a victim, counselor, law-enforcement officer or relative of the family to look for the presence of other features, as singularly taken, no one of these features can accurately diagnose the problem.
Three important points must be made here. First of all, there is no general definition of DV that fits all societies; even here in the US it varies in some states. However, it is widely accepted that DV is a pattern of behavior centered on issues of power and control in the family. It is the willful intimidation, battery, assault, sexual assault or other abusive behaviors perpetrated by an intimate partner against another with a specific objective, whether latent or manifest, but is somehow related to a spousal struggle to assert or reassert control or power in the family. Thus, the first symptom that raises the red flag of DV is that which hints of power display by the perpetrator.
The second point, related to the first, is that immigrant women should be aware that certain religious or cultural practices generally accepted in their home countries, and even considered lawful in those countries, are not necessarily acceptable or lawful in the US. In some societies, it is acceptable that men must rule the family by a ruthless exercise of power and violence. Once transported to the US, this becomes DV. Immigrants, (batterers mostly) sometimes do not understand that they must conform to and accept the laws of the land of their residence unless specific exemptions are made by law.
The third point is: children who witness DV between their parents are most likely to practice or experience it in their adulthood. Thus, it may not necessarily be a “power” or “control” manifestation, but an acquired or socially (not genetically) inherited behavior to abuse or submit to abuse. This is the kind of behavior that develops into gender-based violence and, if not shed, eventually evolves into a ‘norm’, and then into a culture or religion. Nearly ninety percent of batterers saw violence in their households as kids, and many were victims of it themselves.
Apart from physical violence, other subsidiary symptoms of DV from the perpetrator side, which are more easily observed, may be alcoholism or drinking more than is socially acceptable, use of illicit drugs, blatant or deliberate marital infidelity, forced sex, deprivation of food, money, sex, constant verbal abuse, threats or humiliation especially in the presence of others, and child abuse or neglect – which itself can be identified by a host of physical and psychological signs. Other symptoms not easily distinguished are suicide/ homicide ideation, and sexual harassment.
From the victim’s side, chronic depression and low self-esteem, posttraumatic stress syndrome and other mental health disorders, suicide attempts, guilt, and shame are also indicators of DV.
The above, however, are by no means all the indicators of DV.
How to deal with DV
Battering does terrible things to batterers themselves. Because the brain is not designed to feel good about hurting the ones you love, most batterers later experience a feeling of remorse and even make promises to change. These are the cases that can be treated through a reconciliatory, rehabilitative process, generally by an experienced clinician. In another article, I hope to explore in more details how these cases may be dealt with.
However, at this point I would like to suggest what victims should do in the more violent cases where there is a serious threat to life or in cases where the batterer has repeatedly failed to respond to or cooperate with rehabilitative services.
First, if you are the victim of repeated DV, tell someone. Second, have a detailed “escape” plan along with an escape kit. In you plan, safety must be the primary issue, followed by finances, then other matters you consider important. Running and locking yourself in a room, and worse of all, the bathroom, or any place where the entrance/exit can be controlled by the batterer, is not an escape plan.
If your life becomes endangered at any moment, leave passively – go to the safe place in your escape plan such as a public restaurant, a neighbor’s home, a relative or friend, where you can access a telephone. The place and people you resort to must be neutral, not inclined against you or your spouse. It must also not present any doubts about infidelity or conspiracy, as these may come up in later civil suits for divorce or alimony or custody of the children. You may take the children with you if you think they are also in danger. From your temporary safe haven, call the police. If you cannot stay the night at the place you are, the police can help you find a shelter.
If you do not want to leave the home, you may choose to call a neutral relative or friend to spend the night or some time with your family until the situation is adequately diffused. Neither you nor the relative should attempt to reason with your spouse if he is intoxicated or infuriated.
If you leave and are planning a permanent separation from your spouse, it would be better to take the children, although it would be more difficult but not terribly difficult to find shelter for all of you. This would help to obtain permanent custody of the children and quicker services for housing, food stamps, Medicaid coverage, and possibly, even green cards for you and your children as a victim of DV. (See Part I in Guyana Journal, Oct 2006 issue)
When leaving, make sure you have adequate money and access to joint checking or savings accounts. You may need to take your passbook, and definitely, your credit cards. These should all be in your escape kit. In your kit also should be a list of emergency contact numbers such as YWCA, Catholic Charities, DV Hotline and resourceful relatives.
When the police interviews you, you may need to request medical attention if you are physically hurt. They must take pictures of bruises and other injuries.
You may also request the police to file charges against your batterer, and that they arrest him. If they refuse to make an arrest, you, yourself can make “civilian arrest” of the batterer, and they must assist you in taking the batterer into custody and filling out the arrest forms. Under the Law, the police must also provide you with a written statement about your legal rights, and information about DV shelters and other services that can help you.
When the charges have been filed, you may indicate whether you choose to go to Family Court or Criminal Court. There are certain differences between the two with regards to jurisdiction, acceptability of evidence – whether it is a preponderance of evidence or evidence proven beyond any reasonable doubt, and penalty. You must attend court on the date your batterer is brought before the judge for the first time so that you can get an immediate Temporary Order of Protection (TOP).
If you do not want your batterer arrested or any charges filed against him, you can still go to Family Court (next day) and obtain a TOP and have him move out of the house and stay away from you and your children, setting, of course, a time and place for him to visit with the children. It can give you (temporary) custody of the children. It can order the batterer to pay for your lawyer if he has money, pay the medical bills for your injuries, and child support – even if you are not married to the batterer, if he is the father. In addition, if you wish to pursue a reconciliatory course, Family Court can help you and your batterer to get family counseling. You could also go to Family Court and request to see a Probation Officer who will try to work things out between you and your batterer, and if it does not, he then refers the case to a judge.
Family Court cannot give you a divorce, legal separation, or annulment. It cannot award you part of the property, movable or not movable, or bank accounts. For these you need to get a lawyer to file petitions in the Supreme Court. Family Court can, however, award you support money.
Remember, in taking legal action, both you and you batterer have a right to court appointed free attorneys, if you are poor. If you are poor and are suing for divorce in the Supreme Court, you may also obtain free assistance from Legal Aid Service. You can also hire a lawyer who (in New York) can obtain his fees from your husband if he has the money or a good income.
If you leave the home, you may need to go to the welfare office for food, clothing rent and free medical care. The welfare office may also help you to get employment or training. Even if you are not eligible for welfare, you may get Medicaid and/or food stamps. Moving expenses, furniture grants, and rent security deposits are sometimes available depending upon your specific situation. You could also contact the Salvation Army, YWCA, Catholic Charities, shelter for the homeless, or churches and some local charity organizations for food and shelter for a few days. (Please refer to previous article in October issue of the Guyana Journal regarding your eligibility for state and federal benefits available to you as a victim of domestic violence.
Some contact information:
Technical Assistance and Legal Representation on Alien Eligibility and Welfare Rights of Domestic Violence Survivors 212-349-6009 X 314.
New York State Coalition Against Domestic Violence Hotline 24 hours/7 days a week. 800-942-6906; (800) 942-6908 (Spanish)
New York City Domestic Violence Hotline 800-621-HOPE
DV Victim Services 800-621-4673
Medicaid (24 hours/7 days a week) 718-291-1900
Homeless/Emergency Shelter (24 hours/7 days a week) 800-994-6494
Center for Immigrant Right, Inc (212) 505-6890
Food Assistance (food after hours) 718-402-6277
WIC Program 800-522-5006.
(Part 2 of a series)
Gokarran Sukhdeo is a Social Work Supervisor in New York City Administration for Children Services.
David Gokarran Sukhdeo
Guyana Journal, November 2006
As stated in Part I of this series (October 2006 issue), Domestic Violence (DV) is a much bigger problem that affects more families than the actual figures show. DV is the number one public health threat to women, and is responsible for more injuries than any other cause. It costs society an estimate $67 billion annually, not counting psychological damage, family disintegration and the resultant imbalanced and harmful development of children who are deprived of both parents (the sum of the parts is not equal to the whole), and other criminal and anti-social behaviors indirectly deriving from the experience of DV in the family.
Some reasons that contribute to the enormity of the problem are:
1 Victims do not recognize what is happening as DV. Some mistake it for religious, cultural or societal norms to which they must docilely submit. They may mistake it for generic gender (male) characteristic. Or they may mistake the symptoms for that of some other disorder such as alcoholism.
2 Victims do not always report or tell anyone about it.
3 Even if they recognize it as DV, they do not know what to do about it.
I hope to deal with some of these issues in this and subsequent parts of my continuation on Domestic Violence.
The syndrome of Domestic Violence is associated with not one but several clinically recognizable features, signs, symptoms, phenomena or characteristics that often occur together. Thus, the presence of one feature may alert a clinician, a victim, counselor, law-enforcement officer or relative of the family to look for the presence of other features, as singularly taken, no one of these features can accurately diagnose the problem.
Three important points must be made here. First of all, there is no general definition of DV that fits all societies; even here in the US it varies in some states. However, it is widely accepted that DV is a pattern of behavior centered on issues of power and control in the family. It is the willful intimidation, battery, assault, sexual assault or other abusive behaviors perpetrated by an intimate partner against another with a specific objective, whether latent or manifest, but is somehow related to a spousal struggle to assert or reassert control or power in the family. Thus, the first symptom that raises the red flag of DV is that which hints of power display by the perpetrator.
The second point, related to the first, is that immigrant women should be aware that certain religious or cultural practices generally accepted in their home countries, and even considered lawful in those countries, are not necessarily acceptable or lawful in the US. In some societies, it is acceptable that men must rule the family by a ruthless exercise of power and violence. Once transported to the US, this becomes DV. Immigrants, (batterers mostly) sometimes do not understand that they must conform to and accept the laws of the land of their residence unless specific exemptions are made by law.
The third point is: children who witness DV between their parents are most likely to practice or experience it in their adulthood. Thus, it may not necessarily be a “power” or “control” manifestation, but an acquired or socially (not genetically) inherited behavior to abuse or submit to abuse. This is the kind of behavior that develops into gender-based violence and, if not shed, eventually evolves into a ‘norm’, and then into a culture or religion. Nearly ninety percent of batterers saw violence in their households as kids, and many were victims of it themselves.
Apart from physical violence, other subsidiary symptoms of DV from the perpetrator side, which are more easily observed, may be alcoholism or drinking more than is socially acceptable, use of illicit drugs, blatant or deliberate marital infidelity, forced sex, deprivation of food, money, sex, constant verbal abuse, threats or humiliation especially in the presence of others, and child abuse or neglect – which itself can be identified by a host of physical and psychological signs. Other symptoms not easily distinguished are suicide/ homicide ideation, and sexual harassment.
From the victim’s side, chronic depression and low self-esteem, posttraumatic stress syndrome and other mental health disorders, suicide attempts, guilt, and shame are also indicators of DV.
The above, however, are by no means all the indicators of DV.
How to deal with DV
Battering does terrible things to batterers themselves. Because the brain is not designed to feel good about hurting the ones you love, most batterers later experience a feeling of remorse and even make promises to change. These are the cases that can be treated through a reconciliatory, rehabilitative process, generally by an experienced clinician. In another article, I hope to explore in more details how these cases may be dealt with.
However, at this point I would like to suggest what victims should do in the more violent cases where there is a serious threat to life or in cases where the batterer has repeatedly failed to respond to or cooperate with rehabilitative services.
First, if you are the victim of repeated DV, tell someone. Second, have a detailed “escape” plan along with an escape kit. In you plan, safety must be the primary issue, followed by finances, then other matters you consider important. Running and locking yourself in a room, and worse of all, the bathroom, or any place where the entrance/exit can be controlled by the batterer, is not an escape plan.
If your life becomes endangered at any moment, leave passively – go to the safe place in your escape plan such as a public restaurant, a neighbor’s home, a relative or friend, where you can access a telephone. The place and people you resort to must be neutral, not inclined against you or your spouse. It must also not present any doubts about infidelity or conspiracy, as these may come up in later civil suits for divorce or alimony or custody of the children. You may take the children with you if you think they are also in danger. From your temporary safe haven, call the police. If you cannot stay the night at the place you are, the police can help you find a shelter.
If you do not want to leave the home, you may choose to call a neutral relative or friend to spend the night or some time with your family until the situation is adequately diffused. Neither you nor the relative should attempt to reason with your spouse if he is intoxicated or infuriated.
If you leave and are planning a permanent separation from your spouse, it would be better to take the children, although it would be more difficult but not terribly difficult to find shelter for all of you. This would help to obtain permanent custody of the children and quicker services for housing, food stamps, Medicaid coverage, and possibly, even green cards for you and your children as a victim of DV. (See Part I in Guyana Journal, Oct 2006 issue)
When leaving, make sure you have adequate money and access to joint checking or savings accounts. You may need to take your passbook, and definitely, your credit cards. These should all be in your escape kit. In your kit also should be a list of emergency contact numbers such as YWCA, Catholic Charities, DV Hotline and resourceful relatives.
When the police interviews you, you may need to request medical attention if you are physically hurt. They must take pictures of bruises and other injuries.
You may also request the police to file charges against your batterer, and that they arrest him. If they refuse to make an arrest, you, yourself can make “civilian arrest” of the batterer, and they must assist you in taking the batterer into custody and filling out the arrest forms. Under the Law, the police must also provide you with a written statement about your legal rights, and information about DV shelters and other services that can help you.
When the charges have been filed, you may indicate whether you choose to go to Family Court or Criminal Court. There are certain differences between the two with regards to jurisdiction, acceptability of evidence – whether it is a preponderance of evidence or evidence proven beyond any reasonable doubt, and penalty. You must attend court on the date your batterer is brought before the judge for the first time so that you can get an immediate Temporary Order of Protection (TOP).
If you do not want your batterer arrested or any charges filed against him, you can still go to Family Court (next day) and obtain a TOP and have him move out of the house and stay away from you and your children, setting, of course, a time and place for him to visit with the children. It can give you (temporary) custody of the children. It can order the batterer to pay for your lawyer if he has money, pay the medical bills for your injuries, and child support – even if you are not married to the batterer, if he is the father. In addition, if you wish to pursue a reconciliatory course, Family Court can help you and your batterer to get family counseling. You could also go to Family Court and request to see a Probation Officer who will try to work things out between you and your batterer, and if it does not, he then refers the case to a judge.
Family Court cannot give you a divorce, legal separation, or annulment. It cannot award you part of the property, movable or not movable, or bank accounts. For these you need to get a lawyer to file petitions in the Supreme Court. Family Court can, however, award you support money.
Remember, in taking legal action, both you and you batterer have a right to court appointed free attorneys, if you are poor. If you are poor and are suing for divorce in the Supreme Court, you may also obtain free assistance from Legal Aid Service. You can also hire a lawyer who (in New York) can obtain his fees from your husband if he has the money or a good income.
If you leave the home, you may need to go to the welfare office for food, clothing rent and free medical care. The welfare office may also help you to get employment or training. Even if you are not eligible for welfare, you may get Medicaid and/or food stamps. Moving expenses, furniture grants, and rent security deposits are sometimes available depending upon your specific situation. You could also contact the Salvation Army, YWCA, Catholic Charities, shelter for the homeless, or churches and some local charity organizations for food and shelter for a few days. (Please refer to previous article in October issue of the Guyana Journal regarding your eligibility for state and federal benefits available to you as a victim of domestic violence.
Some contact information:
Technical Assistance and Legal Representation on Alien Eligibility and Welfare Rights of Domestic Violence Survivors 212-349-6009 X 314.
New York State Coalition Against Domestic Violence Hotline 24 hours/7 days a week. 800-942-6906; (800) 942-6908 (Spanish)
New York City Domestic Violence Hotline 800-621-HOPE
DV Victim Services 800-621-4673
Medicaid (24 hours/7 days a week) 718-291-1900
Homeless/Emergency Shelter (24 hours/7 days a week) 800-994-6494
Center for Immigrant Right, Inc (212) 505-6890
Food Assistance (food after hours) 718-402-6277
WIC Program 800-522-5006.
(Part 2 of a series)
Gokarran Sukhdeo is a Social Work Supervisor in New York City Administration for Children Services.
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